Let's be honest. Who here can honestly tell me that their life so far has gone according to plan? I would bet money that 99.99% would say no. I can be honest, and say no too. I did not picture myself at 32, a single mom, a widow, and a college student. I pictured myself married, with 2-3 kids, working with children as a mental health counselor. But obviously my life didn't really stick that did it? But you know what? I wouldn't trade any of these veered off paths or broken roads for one, clear straight one. All of the mess and chaos brought me to where I am and made me a strong, unbreakable woman.
I was given a gift. A gift at a second chance. A gift at starting something new and trying to make it right this time. I have a second chance to live this life and make it all that I want it to be. I am finally on the road to attaining my dream job, something I wouldn't have even thought of doing if I didn't go through what I did. Nursing is a passion of mine and now, I couldn't picture myself using my talents anywhere else then being in the service of others.
Death taught me a lot about love. It taught me to reanalyze my heart. I told myself that the next person that came along would get the best of me. The new and improved version of me; the stronger, yet softer version of me. The version of me that was empathetic and quick to forgive. The version of me that would give 100% of my heart and who would appreciate even the smallest of moments between us. A version of me who learned to kiss more and hold them a little tighter. A person who would always say I love you even when I was mad. I couldn't wait to give all of this to someone, and to someone good. To someone I knew who would appreciate the kind of love I could offer. And then I found him. It was an instant connection, like I had known him all my life. It was as if the universe knew we needed each other (as corny as that may sound). I'm getting my second chance at love. A rare love; one that could make Mr. D'arcy and Elizabeth jealous.
When I pictured my life, I saw 2-3 kids running around my house. Hearing their pitter patter on the floors on Saturday morning and waking up to their sleepy faces every day. And you know what? I got it. Does it look like how I imagined? Not at all... it's even better. That 2-3 kids I pictured turned in to 5. That is 5 sleepy, but beautiful faces and that is 5 sets of feet I get to hear scurry across the floor. That is 5 sets of arms to wrap in to a hug and that is 5 hearts I get to love unconditionally. So yes, when I say that my life didn't turn out the way I planned, I am okay with it.. because I was given so much more then I could have dreamed of.
My heart is so very full and I am so lucky to have this second chance. A second chance to get the life I always wanted.
